OK, here's the deal. Someone's (detached) junk was apparently discovered in Baltimore MD. You can find all sorts of strange things laying about these days, used condoms, guns, (whole) bodies, (decapitated) bodies, bags of money, crack vials, etc but its really pretty rare to find only a severed penis in a state of repose. For the most part they remain attached, or in extreme cases might be discovered stuffed in a corpse's mouth if that particular person really really pissed someone off. Its not like there's prankster teens driving around tossing severed penises out the car window like they were water balloons.
Yet here we are, with a solo penis as reported by:
Karen Black from the OFFICE OF THE CHIEF MEDICAL EXAMINER
BALTIMORE, MD (January 19, 2001) -- A severed adult human penis was found in the Canton area of Baltimore City on Thursday, January 18, 2001. Examination of this organ by the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner revealed that it had been excised from an embalmed body. There was evidence of chemical preservation typical of embalming procedures commonly carried out in funeral preparation. The specific characteristics of the preservation are not those used in preparing anatomical specimens for use in medical teaching institutions in Maryland.So, to recap. Your penis was found. You weren't where it was found (not a good thing at all). Your penis was full of embalming fluid. This is bad -- this means not only was your junk floating around out in the wild, it means your're very likely dead. All in all, its been a very bad day.
The investigation of this matter is continuing.
H/T Pillage Idiot