Sunday, September 24, 2006

The secret Abby Hoffman/Clinton tape transcripts

I'm glad you agreed to see me today Mr. President.

Please Abby, its Bill, not Mr. President. We're all friends here.

Whatever Bill, I'm here in regards to this thing with this Osama Bin Laden blowing blowing up all our embassies in Africa. When the counter culture revolution takes over the country, don't you think maybe we'll still be needing those facilities?

Of course, but what does that have to do with OBL?.

Well if you keep letting this guy run amok, he's going to keep blowing up shit I'm going to need later. You know I'm not big on the military by any stretch, but maybe it would be useful to cut those thugs loose just this one time to eradicate this nuisance.

Jeez, I don't know Abby, my poll numbers could be affected by something so drastic. You know I've got my legacy to think of here. The left doesn't like it when we take military action against brown people.

Can I be frank here Bill? Look, you need to stop with that penis pump and let some blood flow back into your brain for a few minutes. We can't let some upstart run around blowing up our shit. If anyone is going to blow up shit, its going be be me and my crew.

This isn't a penis pump Abby, Monica is coming over in a few minutes to take some oral dictation, I'm preparing my speech for her right now.

[shaking head] Jesus christ, what have we done...what have we done. This guy is a fucking moron.