Butts Charged With Stealing Toilet Paper

Retard. Everyone knows you steal your TP from WalMart because they won't call the police or prosecute if you shoplift under $25.

Morning Call

MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa -- Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."[...]